To be (here), or not to be (here)…

2 Dec

I’ve been thinking a lot about my future lately.

I’ve been thinking about where i’m going, what i’m doing here in Paris (better late than never?) and what it really means to me to be an Australian living in France.

I love France. I can’t think of a tangible reason why, off the top of my head, but i feel it in everything. And i especially feel it when i think about the possibility of not being able to be here any more.

The reason these thoughts are cropping up now, is because after April, i will no longer have the right to work, or live for that matter, in this country that has seemingly taken a very firm grasp on my wellbeing.

And it’s a source of constant anxiety.

As much as i hate planning, it prevents me from even doing so 3 to 6 months into the future, and while just creating a life here and living it was the initial goal, i’ve done that now – and i’m ready to want for more.

The constant difficulties that come with living in a big city, not speaking the language, and not having a secure network of people around you, were all the challenge that i needed for the first year or so. It was hard enough to get by, so taking a job that pays the rent, but offers little else in terms of stimulation has satisfyed me, and my motivation for more had dwindled.

But i feel my ambition creeping slowly back. Now that life is settling down, and chaos is present but becoming harder to find, i’m looking for my next injection of trouble.

I love being different here. I love being an etranger. I love to (over)analyse every little detail of our cultures, and how they clash, and how they grow. I also want to be valued for my opinion in a professional capacity once again, yet funnily enough, the fact that i AM an etranger, and the fact that i LOVE France,  is exactly what makes me unable to find the job that i want.

And it’s a bit of a bind.

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2 Responses to “To be (here), or not to be (here)…”

  1. lefrancophoney January 22, 2011 at 12:07 pm #

    I love it for all those reasons too (but not the overt xenephhobia – especially when they think I’m British!). I’m really lucky as I lived in the UK long enough to get a British passport before finally moving to France. Are there any other ways you can stay? Immigration rules are so ridiculous!

    • Poulette Paris January 22, 2011 at 5:58 pm #

      Hi Le Francophoney! You are so lucky to have been able to get a UK Passport! If only. There are a few ways to get around the visa issue, i’m beginning to look into it, it’s just that any avenue kind of renders you at the liberty of the option.

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