Sorry, i’m here!

7 Apr

My oh my, how time flies.

Three more weeks of my beautiful time in Australia, but i am feeling very itchy to get back to Paris. It’s amazing how different it is for me here. Everything, so easy. Talking, all the time. It never occurred to me how silent I had been in France. Well, obviously not mute, but here i find the amount of idle banter really quite consuming. Talking at such rapid speeds, and in the case of my Mother, about people who I’ve never met, but now know everything about their relationship/dog/mother/medical history/(insert irrelevant information here).

It’s great to see friends, amazing in fact, but they have questions for me about which I cannot answer. I miss my boyfriend. Alright, he’s not my boyfriend anymore, but I miss my sense of belonging to a world that is not my own. I miss that guy that dumped my arse on the cold wet concrete like a sac of potatoes that he didn’t care too much for in the first place. Ouch, cutting!

I have an energy in France that can’t be deflated and when I return home I feel it draining out of me and I don’t know why. I wonder whether it’s the thrill of being alone that I like most about not being in Australia – The thrill of having no history anywhere, or with anyone, and no expectations for the future. Weightless. I am weightless in France. People meet me and want me for the person that I am right now – not who we were when we were 5, or 16, or 21 and not because we share blood or memories.

Sorry, bit deep.

But I’m having a good time here, I swear!


3 Responses to “Sorry, i’m here!”

  1. villy April 8, 2010 at 2:19 pm #

    I’m still reading, and you pretty much summed up why in your last paragraph! I know that feeling. I have lived overseas before, and travelled and I get addicted to that feeling. I am moving to Europe this year for those exact reason. It’s so rare to be accepted for yourself in a given moment, and not for a previously conceived notion of you.

    Yeah, I really like reading about your “journey” because your enthusiasm is catching.

    I hope everything works out for.

  2. Poulette April 11, 2010 at 12:00 am #

    Thanks Villy. You know, it wasn’t till i wrote that paragraph, that i realised that was how i felt. But it’s absolutely true. And you know, it’s not even about acceptance. If i meet someone, and they don’t want a bar of me? Well so be it, i don’t mind at all! I think it’s just more about honesty. Just making decisions about what your time involves. Although getting in the habit of only having to think about yourself may not be a terribly good thing either, don’t you think?!

    I hope you keep reading, and update me on your travels!

  3. liz May 11, 2010 at 2:28 am #

    hey its me again. i have to steal the words of villy and say that u summed up my feelings exactly. especially that last paragraph. there’s such a thrill of being abroad, each day is so new and exciting and its soooooo hard to explain to others. sigh. its a shame that i know i will never be happy in america. i mean, in a way i guess it’s a good thing if u think about – the only solution is i HAVE to move to france – permanently! 😉

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